Negative core beliefs are beliefs that are deeply ingrained in you that you don’t question and assume to be true.
These types of beliefs can be the most damaging because we assume them to be truth and not a belief. But a belief is just a thought you’ve thought many times, and beliefs are only true if you believe them to be.
Every single thing in your reality is a reflection of what you have chosen to believe is true for you. It started out with a thought, turned into a chronic pattern of thinking, morphed into a belief and was sent down to your subconscious mind where it cemented itself. And once a belief makes its way down into your subconscious mind, it is then executed and put into motion. Your beliefs will always confirm your reality.
Our belief system is the driving force behind our behaviours and the results we get in life. If we change our beliefs, we will change our behaviours. When we change our behaviours, we will change our results. Then, when we change our results - we will change our lives!
Four Common Beliefs, do you recognize any?
1. You have to work hard for what you want.
Working hard is a virtue in our Western society. We put struggle, exhaustion and sacrifice on a pedestal so that we can feel okay about receiving good things. This stems from most of us not really feeling worthy of good things unless we work hard for them.
This is a belief that I have had, and it originated in my childhood. I think it came from my parents who whilst not poor struggled to make ends meet. But I think it is also a big part of the message we got from teachers and the education system and probably still do!
The belief I internalised was that you won’t get what you want without hard work and struggle. But I also learned that hard work is a virtue, this was certainly reinforced at school. So, in my mind it was almost dishonest to earn money easily or without too much effort. This of course is not to say that people who ‘appear’ to earn money easily haven’t actually put in a lot of hard work to get there. It just looks like they are lucky when in fact they have a good strategy and have been working ’hard’ behind the scenes.
2. I don’t deserve to be …………………….
You can end this statement with many adjectives such as happy, rich, loved, successful, respected but they all stem from the same root.
This comes from a self-worth problem. It is likely that in your childhood someone has told you (directly or indirectly) you were not good enough or your experiences led you to that conclusion. Over the years you have had other experiences that have confirmed this belief and so it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you know you can also unknowingly create situations that help you to confirm this belief?
Let’s say for example you are like Fiona (not her real name). She told me that as a child her parents were always busy working. She was an only child; she rarely saw her parents and was cared for by a number of different carers/babysitters/childminders. When she did see her parents, they showed her no affection. As a result, she grew up with the belief that she didn’t deserve to be loved. As an adult she has never been able to find the love she desires because of this belief.
3. I am not …………………………………… enough
As in belief number 2 you can add a variety of adjectives, smart, attractive, loving,
Again, these beliefs are based on the beliefs about not being good enough and have developed as a result of a message or experience you had as a child. These beliefs are usually based on the idea that self-worth depends on something outside of ourselves, for example, material possessions, social status, wealth, the love or approval of another person.
If you believe that your self-worth depends on the things you achieve, or the approval of someone else, it places your self-worth outside of you and prevents you from realising that you have many qualities and talents regardless of your outer achievements.
As your self-esteem develops, you will learn to respect and believe in yourself aside from the things you've achieved and without being dependent on anyone else to feel secure within yourself.
4. I am not important. My feelings and needs are not important
This is another ‘I am not good enough’ belief. It is likely that you need others to validate you and you spend your time seeking that validation by putting everyone else’s needs first. As a child you may have learned that other people’s needs in the family were more important than yours. Perhaps another sibling got a lot more attention than you, for any of a number of reasons, and you ended up believing that they were more important than you.
To get the attention or love you craved, you had to be super helpful to others and ignore your own feelings and needs.
As an adult you may be someone who cares for others but doesn’t consider their own self-care.
While some of these beliefs may have had a purpose in your childhood, ask yourself whether they are working for you today.
Ask yourself these questions to challenge your beliefs:
1. What is the evidence that supports this belief? If I look objectively at all of my life experiences, what is the evidence that this belief is true?
2. Is this belief always true for me?
3. Does this belief consider the whole picture? Does it take into consideration both the positive and negative ramifications?
4. Does this belief encourage my own peace of mind and well-being?
5. Did I choose this belief, or has it developed from the influence of my family/friends as I was growing up?
Do you recognize any of these beliefs?
These are some of the common ones that most of us have in some shape or form. But there are lots of others too.
In my new online courseFive steps to Conquering your Limiting Beliefs, I walk you through the stages of first becoming aware of your beliefs to eventually releasing or changing them. When you do this, you will be able to remove your blocks and move forward to achieve what you are trying to achieve and become the person you want to be.
At the time of writing this the course is in its ‘beta’ (testing) phase and is free. There may be a charge sometime in the future.
You can also find more information on how beliefs can run your lie in this blog post
If courses aren’t your thing and you would like to work one to one with me, schedule a complimentary discovery call here.